Psychological reversal,polarities and deep stuff.

Even though I discovered EFT late in life,I still deeply and completely love and accept myself,believe in and respect myself.

This is still the hardest blog of mine to write on ..(harder when the AVG anti virus program is whirring away! I'd already done a complete test while praying to try to avoid this..and..thank goodness,it's just stopped!..let's see if I can concentrate now) ... it is hard to write when something is going on with the computer and one doesn't understand what or why ..so many entities can just send cookies and do stuff on one's own machine..it does get a bit frustrating sometimes..especially now that recently..(I suppose to deal with all the overheating from the extra work) the fan keeps kicking in..I like silence when I am working!
Right then .. (I'll just try to do "off the top" as they say) deep stuff..psychological reversal ..only blocked by that "We murder to disect." thing of Hamlet's ..I mean ..sometimes writing about it..analysing what has happened feels as if it might "break the magic" ..but I suppose that is just because I still don't have full confidence in the complete efficacy of EFT and it is so wonderful to experience some relief..(this time a lot of relief) from all the negativity and heavy emotions that I don't want to lose it..

There! having said all that I'll try again to begin.
I was looking at one of the articles that Gary sends (God Bless him!) through in my e.mails .. It was about psychological reversal..I was getting to the stage where I felt a bit stuck with the EFT ..not really getting anywhere..
Then I saw this thing about doing the karate chop points .. it was for SBS (Secondary Benefits Syndrome)..When people don't seem to be responding to EFT no matter what ..there are sometimes some hidden subconscious motives for not getting better. Like..if I get better I"ll have to face the fact that I really have wasted most of my life ..or ..if I get better I'll have to face up to doing stuff .. or whatever examples the lady who wrote the article gave ..These two are more connected to my stuff but you get the idea.
Anyway ..as soon as I read about this I thought it might apply to me and I went off to the bedroom for a bit of privacy to try it out.
I still hadn't read the proper way to do it..and was just stimulating the karate chop point on one hand...meanwhile trying out some of the lady's suggestions ..when I hit the one ..."Even though I don't really want to get better because then I wouldn't get any attention" ... something started to unlock ..
Tears came to my eyes ..I don't remember what happened next but I think I went outside ..maybe started doing something in the garden..(Doing things has been a big block with me for ages..like,the whole of my life maybe?!)
I remember doing some more work on this, having gone back to the article and found out the proper way to do it (with the two hands chopping against each other) ..the lady had mentioned "chronic negativity" as one of the cases for its use and I believe I have always suffered from that ..
Anyway,next day we went to Motril to do our little bit of testing the waters for selling wholesale to shops. It turned out to be a very enjoyable day ..even if not that successful commercially ..(we only went out for the last couple of hours of the morning (remember that in Spain they still practice the siesta so that the shops open from about ten until two and then five 'til nine ..with minor variations..9-30 to 1-30 and 5 to 8-30 etc) ..
I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it..the relationship with the shop people..the lovely sunny day ..not too hot and not too cold ..(Spring has been a long time coming this year after a very cold winter and the result is that everything is very green and the temperatures are not too high too quickly,making it a bit like a glorious English spring) .. we sold a bit .. we had coffee in a very nicely decorated Italian-style coffee house ..Motril I have always liked as a commercial centre anyway ..and it somehow has clear mediterranean light and pleasant spaces and the people are positive,happy..and ready to serve in the shops ..a good attitude generally ..perhaps there is a lot of money around from the surrounding orchards of avocados and chirimoyas ..I don't know ..but anyway it works and I like it.
When we'd finished we went to Salobrena for a chinese meal on the sea front.I had realised that as the material is on deposit we had to work out what our percentage was of the take..(after being used to everything being for ourselves and an approximate calculation of 50% of take = profit) ..I realised that Bilquis was thinking that because,say,we had put 50% on an article that meant that 50% of the take was for us ..which is not the case..it is actually 33.33% because the original amount has to be returned to our provider .. that was easy to calculate with 50% as an example but..as soon as it became 40% or 30% things were more complicated.
I was sure it was only schoolboy maths but we didn't really have a clue how to do it.
Now .. normally , I would have just felt defeated by any of the above circumstances..but no way would I have had any energy left over to start this mental gymnastics at this stage of the game.Bilquis was looking exhausted..her first day out during a protracted problem with an infection of the urinary tract ..and she,who is normally a bit of a whizz at percentages and suchlike..backed off a bit.. I kept working away at the thing..until I came up with what we were really looking for which was a method to find,for instance,what is 30 expressed as a percentage of 130 .. it didn't take me too long to find out a method which,on being tested,worked ..and now we would have it a lot easier when getting home to see from our recipts how much of the total was for us.
Meanwhile we were using pages of the new reciept book to do our calculations and the dishes were coming crowding onto quite a small table..and a young spanish couple had chosen (from a completely empty restaurant of at least twenty tables) to come and sit right next to us from where they could easily overhear our conversation ..which only added to my embarrassment that I should be making such a detailed discussion of such a simple mathematical problem and caused me to talk in English, which only confused Bilquis even more (it has often been noted that people who speak a foreign language quite fluently often revert to their first language in order to count).
The level of confusion and disorder both mental and physical would normally have had me in a deep funk of negativity ..either becoming depression or even irritability or anger..This time ..I was laughing! ..We were both giggling away like a couple of school kids as I managed to get sauce on the table cloth and then on the reciept papers covered in calculations from the precariously balanced calculator.
Well! ..never experienced anything quite like that before..accustomed as I am to the dramas I can produce over the slightest difficulties.Even Bilquis commented a couple of times afterwards on how "A gusto" she had laughed in the restaurant.
Well from there we went to see if we could get some wrapping paper for a present for Dr Rahima who had so kindly treated Bilquis and insisted on not taking a payment and,while in the shop I bought some new sunglasses to go more with my new self-image ..the former ones were a bit too sinister and also cheap looking for selling in this manner.I had also put on a light beige sports jacket for the first time in years and my favourite chocolate brown boots and it all helped me to have a self-confidence which I haven't experienced in some time.
Next we went for a nice ice cream and coffee in one of the places where we often have had paella or 'fritura' ..then we went to look around the possibilities of shops to sell to in Salobrena.While looking we came across a place where I was able to find a butter dish to replace the one which we brought from England which got broken and Bilquis got a cheese dish so that she doesn't have to have cold and tasteless cheeses straight from the fridge.
We were tired but happy and came home ..stopping for a moment in Velez Benaudalla to get some bread and a sweet cake for Bilquis who hadn't had an ice cream with her coffee.
My goodness we were tired when we got home!
I haven't got to the meaty bit yet but I am going to post and take a break.